outgrew_cosplay

How much change? If brimstone's popped up before, I wanna know.

Not before, buuut the future is a wide open vista of possible ways to get horribly killed again.

...

Oh god dammit why do I ever bother being the first long-termer to show up to these things.

Okay, so. I'm guessing you've done enough reading or wandering around or logical deduction to get the whole 'space jail' bit, so that leaves floods, ports and other miscellany. Have you gotten that far yet?

Yeah, so, how's that death thing working here? I mean I'm walking and talking, and I didn't really expect that much, so.

...I got as far as jail boat, and called it quits.

Ohhhkay. Barge 101, part 1. Take notes.

The Barge is - allegedly - here to redeem people. You die, or you're about to die, but some jerk entity called the Admiral decides that's not harsh enough and brings you here instead. 'Here' is a magical spaceship that exists outside of space and time. Kinda.

So then you're an Inmate. You get assigned one-on-one to a Warden, who is usually some stroke of good guy but your mileage may vary, and their job is to babysit you, slap your wrist when you get in trouble, ~~leave after promising he wouldn't~~ and try to bully you into being a better person.

So they hold your hand in through jail. That's not creepy or questionable at all. So how long am I looking at being bullied into bettering myself here?

Your guess is seriously as good as mine. One of the better-intentioned Wardens would probably tell you 'as long as it takes', but it seems kind of...random. I've been here just over a year, a few other people've been around over twice that long. It's not like a regular jail where they give you five to ten and you just walk out a week later.

...or maybe that's just my experience of the correctional system.

Isn't that everyone's experience of the correctional system?

To be fair, I guess it sounds more like juvie. With the hand holding. It was creepier then, though.

Tell me we at least get recreation, here.

...kinda? There's a decent gym, a library, a pool table on the...sixth floor, I think. And there's a bar, an actual pool and the CES, which is like a simulated ecological environment? But those two are both Warden-only zones, so....good luck getting in there unsupervised.

Pool table, huh? Always meant to learn. [Read: AND TAKE YOUR MONEY.]

Where are these warden-only places, and what kinda locks do they have?

Above decks. You can see the ecological thing - the CES - from the outside, it's like a big glass dome.

As for locks, it's just...not happening. Wardens have a little gadget called an Item they use to get into their zones. What it actually is varies from person to person. No Item, no go. And believe me, I've tried.

Item schmitem, I always come prepared to let myself...[Wait. WAIT. SHE HAS NO TOOLS. GOD WHAT IS THIS CRAP.] Oh come on.

[Yep she can guess what goes into that brief silence. :c]

Yeeah. Any superpowers you had, anything you could use as a weapon....you don't have that stuff any more.

Jesus, not even a freaking screwdriver! I know they say you can't take if with you, but I don't think they meant to a space jail.

Yeah, the Barge takes a pretty broad interpretation of that phrase. You can sometimes get stuff back from your Warden if you play nice.

So. 101, Part 2.

Like I said, the Barge is moving around between different worlds. I can pretty much guarantee that you and me are so not from the same version of Earth. Problem is - this is how I've heard it, anyways - sometimes we kind of nudge other worlds because the Admiral can't drive, and the Barge takes on aspects of those worlds.

So that's floods, and they get....stupid. Plucking some random stuff from memory, I have seen people swap sex, turn into animals, fall in love, become their best buds or worst enemies....it goes on and on. Pick a theme, the Admiral's probably got it pencilled in.

[Yeah there's gonna be a pause here for wtfing. What even. What. WHAT FRESH NEW CRACK IS THIS. :|]

Right. And all this cause the Admiral couldn't be bothered to get a license for space jail?

You know this sounds idiotic, right? Just tell me you're hitting your head over there trying to explain this. I might be a little more inclined to believe it.

Ohhh, I know. How well do I know. After all this time I still cringe when I have to explain this situation to anybody. It is completely, totally, head-on-desk whacked.

Aaand it's all true.

But, since I admire your scepticism, lemme chase up some actual proof for you.

[She turns on the video so you get an illustrative shot of her glorious green female-ness, then finds a video comment of her during the genderswap flood and filters it to Jenna. Without sound. You don't get to hear her bitching at Kirk. :c Then she switches if back to regular video]

That was actually one of the tamer ones.

[Sans bitching is just fine; Jenna's too busy staring to listen, anyway.]

Oh come on, you're serious? This is officially the weirdest prison I've ever seen. [Not that she has that much experience. She just reaaaally doesn't want this to be one of those haze the newbie deals. :|]

How was that tame? No, wait, okay - tell me about the worst one. Go.

[Hnnn honesty vs. not-mentioning-touchy-subjects.]

Since I've been here? Okay, back in January there was a big one. It screwed up everything - the Barge, the Admiral, most everyone on board. Good guys became bad and vice versa, and the whole point of the Barge changed - it wasn't for making bad people good, it was for making good people bad. Aaand the evil Wardens turned out to be a whole lot better at their jobs than the good ones are.

That only lasted a week but that's long by flood standards. It got pretty rough pretty quickly.

Well that's...bizarre. So did everyone go ballistic and tear the place apart, or what?

...How long do they usually last?

Pretty much, yeah. There was a riot, it sucked, and then everyone was verrry quiet for a week or two afterward.

But floods are maybe two to four days average? Oh, and sometimes they're so rough that they actually turn the Barge into something else. It was a cruise ship one time, and a summer camp pretty recently. Doesn't happen all that often though.

Sounds like a demented daycare. So why hasn't anyone jumped the Admiral and taken over, yet? Someone's gotta have their space jail license.

That's actually happened a couple times - I mean, nobody's literally jumped the Admiral, nobody's ever even seen the Admiral, but there's been a couple Barge takeovers. One was run by some whackob Inmate called the Master who's not around anymore, but that was before my time. The second time was...three Wardens trying to find a fun place to park the Barge for a vacation. You can just let that illustrate how crazy this place makes people.

The wardens had to take the reigns?

Yeah, that's painting a pretty beautiful picture there. You sure there's no easy way home?

Ehh. The Master may or may not have left by way of mad science, buuut he was a rare instance of a guy who did a lot of 'you hideous subnormals with your puny human intellects'-type speeches and actually had the evil nerdery to back it up.

So in all practical terms? Not really, no.

Huh. Usually they just talk out of their ass. Did he take anyone with him, or is he just a dick all around?

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strikes obliterated :|

Oh shego :c

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